life-giving lists

lists that feel like gifts rather than burdens

Dear friends,

I have always loved a list. But I’m specific.

It’s got to be on paper and it has to compact enough for me to carry it around. I can fold it in half once, but after that, I cannot be bothered. I know that plenty of people carry lists in their phones, and I do from time to time, but honestly those are the lists of things that I can forget about for a good while. Names I like, flowers I want to grow, quotes I want to reference. They can go in the notes app on my phone. But the lists that motivate me are not in an app. They’re on paper.

While this is not my normal storytelling styled stack (did anyone else love that alliteration?), talking about lists has been on my mind and I still find it to be very much “on brand” for this space, as lists are an incredible seasonally led tool.

Since Spring has officially sprung, I can feel my body beckoning me towards tasks I put off during the Winter. Winter was for hibernating, withdrawing, and focusing inwardly: my family, my home, my soul all needed tending in Winter. While all of these things still need my attention, Spring has brought an energy that says, “Why don’t you give your soul some exercise by digging in the dirt? Why not bond with your family over pulling weeds or planting flowers? How about you worry less about the dust bunnies under the couch and start thinking about how to expand the hearth of the home to the yard?”

Why not indeed.

So with the changing of the seasons comes new goals, new postures, new hopes and desires. I know that not everyone loves a list, but I’m trying to reimagine them— seeing them not like beasts of burdens, but more like flowers in a field. I’ll pick some, I’ll leave some, and by summer’s end, my home will be perfumed and petal scattered from the motivations, goals, and dreams I created from these lists.

Make sense? No? That’s fine. How about I just show you. I have three different lists I’m focusing on. One for creation (aka a to-do list), one for little joys that give color and liven up my day to day, and one for gratitude and meditation.

a list for creation

This is the fairly typical to-do list, but it’s season specific. This is the list that has a deadline because once the weather changes, anything not accomplished on it will have to be postponed until 2025. Not everything on here will be accomplished this summer, but it’s a list of the things I get to create, change, and nurture that I hope will make our life as a family (and my personal life as a creative) richer.

1) plant a salad garden
We have two little raised beds on the side of the house that get too much shade to plant tomatoes and cucumbers (whomp whomp) but hey, they are great for leafy greens! I have to lacinato kale plants and two collard greens starts ready to go in as I type this. Work with whatcha got, right?

2) plant perennials around the house
We’ve accomplished this in the front of the house, but now we’re in the process of weeding one of the sides and planting hostas, heuchera and other shade lovers. If you have a favorite shade-loving perennial I should look into, let me know in the comments.

3) grow a sourdough starter
A friend of mine taught me to make a loaf and gave me a bit of her starter which helped demystify the world of sourdough, but now, I want to make my own starter. I’m curious if it will be happier than my previous one as it will be made and used here (wild yeast and all that). Who knows? I’ll let you know what I find.

4) watercolors
Sam sat down to watercolor the other day and asked me to join him. I pulled up a picture of a simple landscape and used his (very) vibrant watercolors and did my best to recreate what I saw. It was a bit of a mess, but pretty, and my mind felt really still while I was doing it. Is this seasonally specific? Not really, but I’m wanting to start it during the warm months so that the practice feels rote and meditative by the time we’re shut up for the Winter again.

5) time to write
For me, there has never been a “good time” to write. I write in the margins. I write when my eyes are too blurred to catch the typos because it’s 10:00pm and this is the first chance I’ve been able to sit down all day. I think that’s the nature of the season I’m in (i.e. mothering a small, feral tornado of a miracle boy). So do I need to find a specific time to write? No. I can make the margins work. I’m scrappy. Tired, but scrappy. But would I like to find a specific time, even if just for the summer, where I could give myself time and space to write? Yeah. That’d be nice.

6) move
I have a major mental block around exercise. I have reasons, some of them good ones, but not good enough to not do it. Pray for me. I’m going to attempt to move more this summer in an effort to make a *gasp* habit out of it. If you are a habitual mover and shaker, tell me what makes you continue to move and shake. I need all the help I can get. As far as why this is seasonal…let’s call it deadline focused. A deadline is the motivation I need.

7) small town adventuring
Fruit and flower picking, trail hiking, swimming in the river, trying a local wine bar, checking out the farmer’s markets, roving around local art fairs—you get the gist. If it’s local and/or outdoors, I’m interested. I want about 95% of these things to be kid-friendly so that I can do it with the whole fam, but I’m happy to leave that 5% for time by myself or with other adults, sans the smöl boi.

a list that gives life

These are the things that make me want to get up in the morning. Small, seemingly inconsequential, but they infuse joy. And so I’m writing them down so that I can remember what brings me joy and so that maybe these things can bring you joy too.

1) homemade matcha lattes
These suckers are expensive if you get them out and about but a while back David bought me quality matcha powder and I’ve been making them at home. Currently my go-to is to put Sam down for a nap (yes Sam still naps—God loves me and wants me to be happy) and then depending on how warm or cold it is outside, I make a hot or iced latte. I use regular whole milk, sweetened with a little bit of real maple syrup. It’s heavenly.

2) wearing stretchy pants
I gained weight this year. It’s a major bummer since I had previously lost weight in 2019 and, for the first time in my life, felt good in my skin. That said, I have decided that I will not be abusing myself for constantly wearing stretchy pants. I am still worthy of being able to breathe without discomfort. I like kneeling in the dirt, playing in the floor with my son, and sitting cross-legged on the couch with my laptop (which is my normal writing position). I want to do these things and feel comfortable. If you’re in a similar spot and you’re forcing yourself into your jeans as masochistic motivation, let this be your sign to wear the stretchy pants. Your brain needs oxygen (or so I’ve been told). Now go find yourself some damn elastic.

3) reading
I have degrees in English, theatre arts, and teaching and I am still the world’s slowest reader. You’d think that I would have learned to read a little quicker, but it never happened. Do I have a book count goal for the year? No ma’am, I do not. But I am determined to read more, especially this summer, because I truly do love it. Currently I’m reading Leif Enger’s newest novel, I Cheerfully Refuse and am also about 60 pages into Marilynne Robinson’s Gilead. The latter has been a slog for me and the former is a page turner. I also have small stack of nonfiction that’s staring at me from my nightstand. I’ve found deep love for the realism, magical realism, and memoir genres—nonfiction is tougher for me to get through, but always rewarding. Do let me know what you’re reading too.

4) Trader Joe’s wine section
Laugh all you want, but there’s depth and variety here. As a wine lover/nerd, I live to try new varieties and do tastings with friends. I own the Wine Bible and regularly do deep dives into different wine regions and what they produce. Friends, I love wine. But we’re pretty broke right now so the most we can splurge on is what we can find at TJ’s. And that’s ok! If you have a TJ’s near you and need a recommendation, Kidia is a Sauvignon Blanc from Chile that David and I have deemed our favorite “porch pounder.” It’s also only six bucks.
You are welcome.

an after OT tradition: go to the park and climb on all the things

a list of gratitude

To round things out, I’ve also made a little gratitude list. I was reflecting on God’s provision for us the other day and thought “if I don’t write this down, I’m going to forget it.” I think this is why there are history books (and yet, history continues to repeat itself).

1) David’s work ethic
Since losing is corporate 9-5 in November, David spent zero hours throwing a pity party. He immediately started plugging away at building his own business. He’s booked two clients and we are praying for a couple more to come in order to truly be financially solvent again. I am immensely proud of his hustle, positivity, and work ethic. No one is more humble or works harder than he does. He inspires me daily.

2) Sam’s occupational therapist
Sam’s been in OT for about six months. I won’t go into details, but therapy has been a blessing. His therapist is a thoughtful, thorough, kind, but firm gal originally from Mississippi. Her accent brings me joy and her work with Sam is giving incremental doses of peace to his body. I’ll take it.

3) Sam’s preschool
I was apprehensive about putting Sam in preschool this year, but I knew that I was pouring from an empty cup and needed to call in reinforcements. When a neighbor told me about an outdoor preschool with strong Montessori roots, I signed up him faster than you can say barefoot (which he is, constantly). I was afraid he would be too attached and not want to go, but instead at drop off he quickly gives me a kiss and a hug and goes barreling down the hill towards his buddies. He asks to go everyday, he loves his teacher, he loves getting so much time outside (yes, even in the dead of winter) and he loves all his preschool buddies. I am so thankful for this place.

4) my pillow
Stay with me here—a good pillow is a game changer. I used to wage war with my pillow and it usually won. About two years ago David and I invested in contoured pillows for side sleepers. Ladies and gentlemen, it was a game changer. I sleep well and my neck thanks me in the morning. Do yourself a favor—get yourself a good pillow.

5) we’re not homeless
Somehow we have had what we have needed. Somehow when things looked like they were falling apart, there was provision. Somehow we are still afloat. If you read this and want to pray for us, pray for continued provision. What we have been given has felt like a miracle, but the feeling of stability is one we still do not have. It would be nice to have that again. But still, we have been held. Thank you God.

…

I still fancy myself spontaneous. I love it when a friend reaches out for last minute drinks or calls to see if we can pull together a playdate in 24 hours. But I also love the structure that a good list gives. And I have three: one to get things done, one to breathe life into my daily habits, and one to remind me how very much I have been blessed.

I hope that by reading my lists, you might make a couple of your own, and that instead of bogging you down, they give you life. But do yourself a favor—put it down on paper. Trust me on this one.

Always,
Emily

P.S. If you’re not a matcha lover, try it with a little splash of maple syrup. It’ll convert you. And while you’re trying new things, make your margarita’s with mezcal. It’s summer—live a little.